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After the recent and shocking arrest of former Mayor of College Park, Patrick Wojahn, the city council has unanimously passed legislation to rename the city to a much less sensitive name: Pollege Cark. 

Following the arrest, many students took to social media where they made jokes about the Mayor of CP. CP, of course, standing for College Park and the uhhh… other thing.

“We’re doing this to erase any remaining negative imagery that Wojahn left here in our beautiful city,” said council member Carrie Polson. “So many people abbreviate College Park as ‘CP,’ so this silly little coincidence might cause people to think that the whole town is full of pedos. We hope everyone is ready to join us in embracing being ‘PC.’”

The law is breaking records as one of the fastest pieces of legislation to ever pass through the clusterfuck that is the American government structure. The city’s new name is already being rewritten all across Route 1. Any business with ‘College Park’ or ‘CP’ in the name must change their advertising and business name within the next week, or the city council will “Epstein” them.

Already on-board with being ‘PC’ are Pollege Cark Liquors, PC Towers, and the Pollege Cark Metro Station. 

A majority of Pollege Cark locals and University of Maryland, Pollege Cark students aren’t too happy about these rolling changes.  “What the actual fuck is a Cark???” said bus driver Charlie Pampas. “It’s very dumb and stupid and I hate it,” said sorority sister Corrinne Peal. 

While most PC residents would rather bring back CP, some people are happy with it being PC. “Erm, I don’t see why people hate PC, it’s clearly the superior name, AND PCs are heckin’ sweet. Everyone saying it’s lame is a console coomer,” argued computer science student Carl Poesntshower.