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COLLEGE PARK — A recent study published by the Global Institution for Evil Prevention (GIEP) proved a shocking result: All of the world’s evil stems from a single point on the University of Maryland, College Park campus. The study was led by Dr. Eric McSmart, the director of evil studies at GIEP since 1965. McSmart’s team measured the direction of an electromagnetic wave known as an “evil ray” that is emitted from a list of 100 of the evilest people alive, and found that they all lead to a common point. This group of people ranged from corrupt politicians to billionaires to one-star-rated professors. McSmart hypothesized that the phrase “money is the root of all evil” was true, and the direction of each person’s “evil rays” would likely point to a large bank holding the majority of the world’s wealth.

However, he was surprised to learn where it truly went: Tydings Hall, room 0130.

“Those poor students, how is this even possible?” Dr. McSmart said in an exclusive interview with The Hare. “How can a single lecture hall be the center of all the evil in the universe?” President Pines, as well as the namesake of the building, former Maryland senator Millard Tydings, have yet to make a statement.

Further investigation revealed that all of the “evil rays” are specifically directed towards the center of the lecture hall in the Tydings basement between two columns. They were likely attracted to the hall by the souls of former ECON200 students, who are forever bound to the loose desk arms on many of the lecture hall’s seats. This source of evil is therefore able to branch out and take place inside the worst humans imaginable.

Future predictions and measures done by GIEP lead to the likely case that the evil reign of TYD 0130 will forever continue and is likely to intensify by 400% over the next few decades.