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COLLEGE PARK, MD – On October 10th, thousands of College Park residents looked to the sky in awe at the phenomenon known as the northern lights. Since then, similar displays have been reported nearly every weekend. However, further meteorological analysis revealed that subsequent sightings were caused by the bar known as Terrapin’s Turf, which had recently purchased a new set of spotlights.

Auroras are caused by solar storms that react with Earth’s atmosphere to create vibrant colors in the sky. Although usually limited to the northernmost parts of the globe, the northern lights have recently been seen throughout the Northern United States. 2024 has been an especially active year for rare celestial events, such as the total solar eclipse in April and the Maryland football team getting a win (which happens once in a blue moon).

When the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) reported that Maryland would be able to briefly view the northern lights on the night of October 10th, several University of Maryland students were ecstatic. “I called out sick from work just to be here,” stated astronomy major Aster Oid while waiting for the aurora at McKeldin Mall. “They might fire me, but I’m not missing this once-in-a-lifetime event.” However, after the lights (and their job) disappeared, Oid started noticing the phenomenon reappearing regularly on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends.

Initially, scientists were concerned by how often the aurora appeared. Several explanations were offered, such as climate change, a shift in the solar cycle, and the entire event being an elaborate prank from NOAA; however, none of these theories could be proven. But Oid realized one key fact: these new northern lights seemed to abruptly shut off at 2 AM on weekdays and 3 AM on weekends. This led them to the only possible conclusion: the source of these so-called auroras was their former workplace, Terrapin’s Turf.

An interview with Shawn Illu, a spokesperson for Turf, confirmed their suspicions. “After Aster was fired, we decided to overhaul our spotlights. With the help of the Acme Corporation, we were able to set up a system that could illuminate the entire sky! All it cost was a few million dollars and an increase in light pollution.”

Terrapin’s Turf agreed to turn off the system in exchange for exclusive advertising privileges for the next occurrence of the northern lights. Oid’s job was also reinstated, and the old spotlights will be used in future events. More University of Maryland students were reached out to for comments, but all of them were too busy with exams to notice what had happened.