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An exciting new report from the US News and World Report lists the University of Maryland, College Park as the #1 public institution for indecent exposure in the United States. Perverts and exhibitionists around campus are celebrating the news, as it marks a major milestone for the Holden Cox School of Indecency.
“This is huge for us,” said Bo Nehr, a spokesperson for the school of indecency, “I mean, we’re hitting record numbers on campus. We’ve got our guys jerking it multiple times a week in public. I’m really proud of them all.”
Nehr then immediately started exposing himself in Stamp while watching something on his laptop, as per UMPD. When asked to comment, UMPD officers shrugged their shoulders and took a nap.
Students of the Cox School were buzzing and exploding with joy about the news. We spoke to sophomore urology major Harry Dix about what it meant to him for his school to be ranked #1.
“It’s really special, I’m proud to be part of such a great community,” said Dix while masturbating furiously in McKeldin Library to a video of violently passionate butt sex. “This school allowed me to follow my passions. Truly deserving of such prestige.”
Dix then proceeded to finish, getting some in my eye.
It is worth noting that Maryland was #1 among public schools, but was #3 nationally, behind Stanford and Harvard. It seems that the only #1 nationally ranked academic program Maryland has is criminology, which is making more and more sense by the day.
Image Credits: Bennett Sellers
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