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If you’ve heard an excessive amount of howling on campus lately, it’s because the Werewolf Student Union is holding protests on McKeldin. They’ve decided to take up hairy arms in response to being misidentified as furries.

“It’s honestly hard being who we are,” says union leader Carrie Nivore. “People look at my super hairy arms and go, ‘Wow, what a neat fursuit.’ I’m sorry, but my ‘fursuit’ is actually a part of my accursed body. I ate two freshmen last week.”

Attacks on campus livestock have risen 200% since protests began, but the club claims that the Chupacabra Student Union is to blame.

WSU is one of the less noticeable student unions on campus since they only meet during a full moon. The Furry Student Union, however, has a large presence, with over 90% of lectures having at least one student wearing an outrageously bright animal suit.

Rawn Ecksdee (A.K.A. Moxie the Rainbow Fox), president of the Furry Student Union, had this to say: “I can see why the werewolves are all angy about being called furries, uwu. Everybody immediately thinks that having a big hunky wolf as your alternate persona makes you a furry, and…it kind of does, rawr.” Our reporter for the Hare was seen cringing so hard his face broke shortly after the interview.

In an effort to reduce campus-wide confusion regarding werewolves vs. furries, we at The Hare have compiled a list of features that will be sure to help you correctly distinguish between the two groups:

Werewolves:

• Humans cursed with uncontrollable lycanthropy
• Fur is often bloodstained (don’t ask where it came from)
• Smell like Halloween… and rotting deer carcasses
• Tend to howl at anything moon-related
• Will fuck you up

Furries:

• Humans pretending to be anthropomorphic dogs and stuff
• Fur can be every color under the visible light spectrum
• Smell like unwashed gym clothes
• Tend to use “uwu” and “owo” in conversation
• Abnormally friendly
• Will fuck you

Taylor Notner, social media manager of the Werewolf Student Union, also warned about the dangers of reverse-misidentification between werewolves and furries. “The last thing we want is a guy in a knockoff mascot suit to be attacked by vampires. We still have beef with the Vampire Student Union from 4,000 years ago.”

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky